Like most my family prepares for Christmas to come, doing our Advent daily, learning about the birth of our Precious Savior, decorating our home for the season, Christmas shopping, etc. It's a time of the year that is hectic but yet special and most enjoyable.
Until.............
Family gets together. My family (my children, husband and I ) live about an hour north of my parents and about 45 minutes north of aunts and cousins. I am blessed to have a large family. But with that at times there is drama.
Christmas Eve we head down to my parents house along with the rest of the family for a nice meal and to just share time together. In conversation this year I mentioned that I would like to have another baby, yes that would be 5 children. I guess my family thinks I came from a different planet or something because the comments they made didn't stop. Let's see Christmas Eve these are the comments I heard, " your not going to have another one", "then one of my cousin's wife asked my husband I thought you were going to get fixed?" REALLY??!!!
I had to speak up because those are just a few of the comments that were made, see in the past my family has made comments like, " you can start your own homeschool group now with all these children" or "your going to be like the Duggars". So I said, "what my husband and I do is none of anyone's business and I do not care to discuss birth control with my family!"
So it didn't stop there, waking up Christmas morning I felt beaten up I didn't want to go back for round 2. Honestly I wanted to stay in our own home for Christmas Day but I know my family wanted us back south at my cousin's house so we went. Showing up late because my heart just wasn't in it. The straw that broke the camels back was when a cousin's husband who has verbally attacked me in the past about my family and our beliefs attacked me yet again. Knowing from hearing earlier conversations with other family members that I would like another child he couldn't resist to stick his 2 cents in, " 5 children, do you know how expensive college is?" I replied yes, the good thing is that colleges favor homeschoolers (I know this because I have actually heard colleges say this before at a homeschool convention) and I think that is our advantage, his response I didn't know you had a PHD in teaching, I said I don't, his response - good luck with that." Now this person is a bully - he has bullied several members of my family throughout the coarse of being married to my cousin, I knew what he wasn't saying all this to me in his condescending voice because he actually cared, it's because he was trying to start problems. I should have said to him no I do not have a PHD nor do I consider myself to be a rocket scientist but God has placed homeschooling on my heart and HE will provide. He knows the desires of my heart and if He blesses my husband and I with a 5th child He will provide. I left last night frustrated, bitter and sad. I woke up the same way this morning but God placed it on my heart to pray for him and after I did God's peace came over me. It's an amazing thing really.
Members of my family was aware of the comments that this individual had said and told me to approach him even though he came to be with the most of insincere apologies I have ever heard but honestly I had nothing to say to him, I forgave him. BUT I know that when there is ever a family function with him there I will not be there. I will pray for this person continually all week, I will not see him again because they will be going back up north to where they live but I know God will do awesome things. So what drama did you encounter with family this Christmas season? Pray for whoever offended you! Most of all forgve them too!
But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you (Luke 6:27-28).
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good (Romans 12:17-21).
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing (1 Peter 3:9).
Your family size is your business and no one else's. I guess this is a lesson to not encourage conversations with that person again. Just politely say excuse me if he engages you and walk away.
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas! I hope your family enjoys the rest of this time together.
I am so sorry! What a tough Christmas!
ReplyDeleteI firmly believe that forgiving someone is not the same as allowing them access to my life. There are certain types of people that the Word says to avoid in the book of Proverbs and there are other reference points.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite moments as a homeschooler was when I removed my then 7th grade son from his junior high. His science teacher said, "Do you know how to :::insert a multitude of technical science themes:::"? I said, "Well, he's failing your class so I can't do any worse."
Wow, I am also so sorry you had to deal with that at Christmas no less. Not sure how I would have handled that.
ReplyDeleteI didn't go to my family's Christmas this year or last because of hurtful words from my mother and father. There are 8 siblings and it is chaos. I chose not to go because I don't need the drama. She was hurt and put on the guilt trip but (with the help of my hubby) I stood my ground. She hasn't spoken with me since before Halloween. Oh well! Her loss. I have 4 kids that she is missing out on!
ReplyDeleteYou know, I just don't understand people. I have a friend at church I used to go to who will be having their tenth child. She posted a facebook message that clearly stated that she has been subjected to similar comments that you pointed out. I do not understand why it is that people think it is their right to have their say about how big or small a family is.
ReplyDeleteHow the tables have turned. One hundred years ago, having one child would be an anomaly. And now having 5 or more is strange.
When I was first married, my husband and I planned to have at least 8 children. I guess God had other ideas. And in the long run, I am glad He did because I had to leave my husband due to his mental issues. I have one, and now I can't imagine having more than one. But I look at large families, and I marvel at how people can do it. But I greatly respect those who have large families. I never would have said anything to them like this. After all, children are a gift of God, and the Bible encourages large families.
Sorry that you had a rough Christmas. Here's to a better New Year's. And thank you for sharing. I absolutely love, love, love your blog!