Thursday, March 14, 2013

OUR GROWING FAMILY & HOW SOME DISAGREE WITH IT!






What you probably do not know about me is that I am an only child. Since I was little I always wished I had a sibling. Even though I grew up with lots of cousins that I am close to it just wasn't the same as having a sibling. When I was little I always knew I wanted to have more than one child because I hated being the only child. Before my husband and I got married we thought we would only have 2 children. When our 1st child was born I loved being a mom and having a child so we decided to have another baby which we lost but God in His perfect plan blessed my husband and I with 3 more children after our loss.

 
 
I have always enjoyed being pregnant. Looking forward to the anticipating of a new baby, holding the baby for the 1st time and the new addition to our family. Two Christmas' ago I started praying that God would bless our family with another girl for my daughter. With 3 boys and 1 girl I wanted her to have a sister. Praying for quite sometime God answered my prayer last August. My daughter and I are thrilled that we are having another girl.


  
I look at children as a blessing from God. Beautiful gifts. I can't understand why people look at children as a burden. As you can imagine with 4 children and 1 on the way the rude comments I get are troublesome.

Just yesterday while shopping with my 4 kids (and it's quite obvious we are expecting our 5th, due next month) a woman came up to me and said, "surely you are not having twins." then at the same store  a woman started counting my children and saw my pregnant belly and said, "wow 5 you are a brave woman." My response was it has nothing to do with being brave, it's about being blessed."
 
I have received other various rude comments from strangers such as my husband and I should get a t.v. in our room. And the one that urks me the most that I hear frequently is wow you have your hands full. Someone gave me some great advice when our 4th child was born about comments like that, a response that I use all the time. When someone says my hands are full my response is it's better than being empty. Or how about are these all yours? My thoughts, no I just purchased them at a garage sale but I bite my tongue and just smile and explain how blessed my husband and I are.



Other comments: Are you trying to compete with the Duggars? Are you trying to form your own homeschool group? You have enough kids to form your own baseball team. Or how about you do know what causes that?

 
Personally it's no one's business how many children my husband and I have or how many your family has. It's a personal decision. Thankfully we have never had to ask anyone for help, God has truly provided. I know many may disagree and think I have too many children or maybe I should have adopted but that is not God God's will for our family. He has entrusted us with these children. He has a plan for my family. 
 
I know several of you have large families and have heard similar type comments. Sure it can get you down and it can be quite frustrating and upsetting especially when the comments come from family or "friends". Whether it's 1 child or 10 look at those sweet blessing (s) God has given you and don't worry about what people think or say. Just be truly thankful!



 
I love being a mom. I am thrilled to get to spend everyday with them and watch them grow. Thankful God chose me to be there mom. I know a time will come when they are grown up and out of the house which I try not to think about because it breaks my heart so I take each day and thank God for His wonderful blessings He has bestowed on our family.


Genesis 1:28     
And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”


Psalm 127:3-5     
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

 If you have a large family, how do you handle the "comments" about your decision to have a large family?
 
 

 

37 comments:

  1. We are lucky to have a kind church family that says 'when are you having another' (we have 2, miscarried in Oct, TTC now). WE really want 3 or 4 but I am getting older so it is less likely. We waited a long time but wanted to be able to AFFORD to have kids and be in a good place, and thank the Lord we ARE, so just bully to anyone who doesn't know any better. My due date would have been April 12 so this is a rough time for me, but God blesses in his own time and mysterious ways. We'll see!

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  2. Hi there! I too, believe that children are a blessing from the Lord and think that large families are wonderful! :-)

    When I saw that you listed "You sure have your hands full!" as one of your least favorite comments, I was mortified! I say that all the time! However, I don't mean it in the way you seem to be receiving it at all! I just mean that they must keep you busy.

    Just thought I'd share a differen perspective on that comment!

    Blessings,
    Melanie

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  3. That is awesome that you are an only child and you will have such a large family. You are truly blessed. Go for it- I want a big family too!

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  4. I am pregnant to and growing our family; although, I am only on number 2 lol. THere is nothing wrong with growing your family at all!

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  5. As a mother of four blessings who were all planned I frequently get many of the same rude comments. The most common being "Are those ALL yours" My usual response is " Of course they all are mine! I wouldn't randomly pick up kids off the street and drag them to the store with me!"

    Congrats on your new baby!

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  6. We have 4 now and aren't sure if we'll try for another yet or not (my youngest is 9 months). I don't mind the "wow, you have your hands full" comments because I do :) And I love it! We almost always get comments when we're out in public and, if I happen to be nursing and my youngest is under the cover or in his infant carrier, people always want to see him to see if he's a boy or a girl (we have 4 boys) :) Their next question is always "are you going to try for a girl?". That one used to bother me because I took it as my boys not being good enough, but now I'm okay with that one, too. I know most people don't mean to be rude, they're just genuinely curious about large families. I also get asked if we're Mormon or Catholic. We're not, but we do believe that children are a precious blessing and if God has another one for us, we'll make some room :) Congrats on #5! Oh, and my husband once got asked if he knew what caused that (while they were looking at my pregnant belly). He said, "yes, and we like it!" :)

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  7. I'm so sorry that people are rude. That is none of their business. Maybe they think they're being funny, but when they're a stranger it's just not appropriate. Good luck on your delivery!

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  8. my oldest is 7 and i'm expecting #5 in the next couple weeks. (i want 7 kids)
    people say the most ridiculous things.

    i've been blessed with a roll-with-it attitude most of the time but the one that i will never forgive is once my own grandma watched as some of my littles werent getting along and i was exhausted and huge pregnant with my 4th and she said, "how do you expect to take care of four when you can't even handle the three you have?" i snuck away and left crying.
    people, strangers and family members need to just keep their mouths shut.
    my in-laws are the absolute best and often thank me for bringing more blessings into their lives.

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  9. I like your responses to some of these comments. We get 'rude' comments about having six kids but a lot of times, the tone is humorous more than rude or judgmental so we usually just laugh it off. I think the reason for that is 4 of them are teens now and only 2 are younger. When I had 3 kids, all a year apart, I would get very rude comments. "Have you figured out what causes that yet?" And yes, we've been told to get a tv in our room too. I'd just say, "tv is boring" and laugh. Recently I have gotten the 'competing with the Duggars' comment too. So stupid. My husband and I go out about once a week in the evening with our two littlest ones and one of my daycare kids and we will get 'hands full' comments. I always respond with, "this is nothing, the other 4 are at home" and that usually shuts them up.

    I love being pregnant. I love labor and delivery. I love newborns. I love the infant stage, the toddler stage, the school age... I could have babies forever. I figure if you have enough money and space to take care of everyone, then you should have as many as you want, and as many as He gives you.

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  10. Children are truly a blessing!! My husband and I have 8 children ranging in age from 21 to 20 months. We feel truly grateful that God has entrusted us with these precious lives!! Don't let others rob your joy. Just point them to the One who gave you your Blessings!!

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  11. I'm a Mom of 2 blessings but honestly it's a blessing however many kids you may have. What those people who choose to be unkind must remember is that each one of your kids are being brought up in a loving, God-fearing home. So they are being loved, nurtured and provided for in a safe environment...which is all that matters. Besides your family and life is nobody else's business. Just ignore the comments and don't stoop down to their level.

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  12. My husband and I have 8 children ranging in age from 21 to 20 months. They are all truly a blessing and we are humbled that God has entrusted their precious lives to us!! When I get all the comments, I just love to point people to the One who gave us our blessings!!

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  13. We started having those questions at #3. I am due with number 9 and really I feel like the comments have really started to go away. Or maybe it just goes in one ear and out the other.

    You will always get stares and comments but keep doing what you are doing. The Lord has blessed you and it only matters what he thinks.

    Congrats on #5 and congrats on it being anothe little girl.

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  14. Being an only child and adopted I thought that maybe when I grew up I would have 1 or 2 of my own-unfortunately that never happened. The number of children you have is totally up to the couple having them and raising them--it is no body else's business.

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  15. I only have three children and we get comments. All the time. My manager, when I was working, asked me if we knew what caused that and I said, "yes, and obviously we're good at it!" People.

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  16. I only have two kids right now and am surprised at how many people have said things to the effect of "oh, how wonderful that you got your boy and girl and now you're done!" We are planning to have 2-3 more (in spite of miserable pregnancies - I have morning sickness the whole time). I can't wait to see what people say when we announce another pregnancy. I'm pinning your article to keep some of your responses in mind! Congrats on your new baby!! :)

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  17. I did leave a comment before on this one but because I do not see it--will try again! There are a lot of insensitive people around these days it seems. All I can think of to say is IGNORE them-I personally think the more the merrier! And as for home schooling-there are resources that can be used today AT HOME which are actually better teaching aides then they use in public or private schools! Follow YOUR heart for it knows best!

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  18. You are blessed!!! We get the same comments from people because of my 4. God blesses us with each child and that's all we have to think about. I wish people would look at the blessings that they are. Thank you for this beautiful post!

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  19. Realizing that most people are well intentioned, I don't let it get to me. I get the 'hand full' comment a lot and I say, "Yes, they are." and smile.

    Coming from a combined family, the 'are they all yours' comments don't bug me too much either. I think people wonder if they are all from the same family or if perhaps it is a combined family (his + hers + ours). Since my kids all look alike, that comment strikes me as a bit odd though. =)

    Reading your other comments I think I have been blessed to have most rude people avoid my path. When we went on our first big vacation (7 kids) last summer, every day at least one stranger would stop and compliment us on our beautiful family and how well behaved/mannered they were. My husband and I always thanked them for taking time to share such kind words. Hang in there and try not to let people's comments get you down. If they are truly mean-spirited people, they are not worth responding to. Instead, you can pray and ask God to open their eyes and see the goodness in children and in larger families.

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  20. Having 5 kids I've heard all of those comments. ith my kids bring biracial I get a lot of comments suggesting I adopted, what agency did you use? Where did they comefrom? Etc. I try to be as polite as I can. I usually ignore the comments or say yup they are allllllll mine! I'm sure when I get bigger preggo with baby 6 I will get plenty more comments.

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  21. Having 5 kids I've heard all of those comments. With my kids bring biracial I get a lot of comments suggesting I adopted, what agency did you use? Where did they comefrom? Etc. I try to be as polite as I can. I usually ignore the comments or say yup they are allllllll mine! I'm sure when I get bigger preggo with baby 6 I will get plenty more comments.

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  22. You are a strong woman. If I were in your shoes I would probably be just as rude as the mean commenters. I only have 2 kids, and I am more than done. It bugs me when family keep insisting that we HAVE to try for a girl. I have learned to simply roll my eyes at them and walk away...

    I might not be the most religious Catholic woman, but I do believe in God. Children are a blessing whether you have 1 or 4. That said, if God thinks I should have a 3rd little Byrd, He will make it known. After all, both my boys were surprises!

    Sofia
    From PDX with Love

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  23. I can't believe the nerves of some people! Even when I saw one woman push around two carts with (I think) 6 babies, I thought she was so blessed. I know after my career is started, and I'm financially stable...I will give my 3-year old some siblings. I always wanted a lot of kids (5-6).

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  24. I am the fifth of six children, and I loved coming from a larger family. We are adopting our third (real soon) and are so excited.

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  25. We are pregnant with our 8th child. We definitely get a lot of comments. I try to take them with ease, but some definitely get under my skin.

    We take our kids with us pretty much everywhere, and one time in the mall a random couple came up to us and the guy said "Trying for your own TV show?". It was just annoying.. like, "Yeah, that's the reason why we're having children- we want to be on TV". We didn't say much, just that we loved kids and are very blessed to have such a lovely family.

    We get a lot of "don't you know what causes that", or "They must not have a TV". And a lot of "you have your hands full", especially when I'm with the kids on my own. I always say, "if you think my hands are full, you should see my heart."

    We are beyond blessed, and so thankful for all the children in our lives...it isn't always easy- but it every second of strife is worth the unimaginable blessing!

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  26. We have six children(2boys 1girl oldest group,2girls 1boy younger group) and we lost one in between the six. Our second son is also diagnosed with mild to moderate Autism. I get these kind of comments all the time. I also get the question, "are you going to have any more"?? I just think people have forgotten the saying,"if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". The world we live in is selfish and rude, we just have to be a living example for those who need it. Don't worry about comments like all these that have been mentioned just enjoy the Lord's blessings and pray for those who give these sort of comments for their eyes to be opened. :D

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  27. I'm one of 5 and each pregnancy my mom got rude comments about having another, my DH is one of 7, I'd assume my MIL did too. I'm preggo with #4, we are Mormon, so at church, no one e er says anything, but I di get comments...the worst ones have been from the medical here in HI....I have been appalled, especially since I just had a miscarriage at 18wks last August. I've been asked bt Doctors.... Was this planned? Do you want to keep the bay? Are you wanting to carry full term? Why do you want so many children? I have 3 boys currently, so get the your hands are full comments too, and I know once I announce this pregnancy the hoping for a girl comments are gonna start. This will most likely be our last one, I have really rough and miserable pregnancies.

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  28. When I was 27 I was told I wouldn't be able to have kids unless I got pregnant within a year due to the ravages of my endometriosis on my system. I was single and didn't worry at the time. I miscarried when I was married 5 years later. Three years later while single I had a high risk pregnancy (which I almost miscarried too) and had a baby boy. Fast forward four years and another miscarriage.

    My son always said it was my fault he was an only child so it was my responsibility to play with him so play I did...every single day and loved it.

    I always wished I had had more children even though I was single. My house was too small to be a foster parent or adopt so it was just the two of us.

    It is no one's business how many children you have. You have enough love for all of them and that's what counts. You have a beautiful family.

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  29. I grew up in a family of 10 kids. My mom had 12 but lost two. We were such a novelty that we were featured on the news and radio (in San Diego) when my youngest brother was born. We got comments like this all the time, but I never thought the people were being rude. They were truly in awe of what my mom was doing (raising a bunch of well behaved children). My mom actually loved when people would make comments like, "wow, are they all yours?" and "you've got your hands full. Are you planning to have more?". When people made comments it opened the way for her to talk with pride and gratitude about her 12 blessings.
    I don't think that most (I do say most, but not all) people don't mean to be rude, nor are they judging you. They simply cannot comprehend being able to care for that many children. Truth be told, most people do not have the selflessness and compassion it takes to care for that many children.
    Congratulations on yet another blessing! You're an amazing mama!

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  30. I have received the same comments multiple times. having 4 consecutive pregnancies resulting 4 toddlers does not seems to be appealing on others.

    I just ignored them! These are my kids, my love of my life. I live because of my kids not for these conceited people. when I am pissed off I always say " GET a LIFE! Don't mind mine!!!!

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  31. We are blessed to mostly surrounded by family, friends, and church family that view children as a blessing, too, so we don't get as many rude/weird comments, (and we only have three so far,) but with three so close together (all 3yrs old and under,) I have definitely gotten then "wow, you have your hands full" comments in the grocery store and such. I don't mind that so much, but what bothers me is random people asking us if we're going to "keep trying" (because we have three girls, no boys)
    I would never want my daughters to hear that and think that we were somehow "disappointed" that they are all girls.

    I'd like to tell them, "Ha! We are a LONG way from done!" ;-)

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  32. I come from a family of 7 girls and 5 boys and I love it. When we tell people how many we are we do get the occasional "your parents didn't have a tv" or "you can have your own soccer team" and I do the same thing every time.....ignore them. It's a blessing to have so many sisters and brothers. I'm thankful for them everyday. I also get a comment which I love from only childs "I wish I had sisters and brothers" Congratulations on your 5th baby they are a blessing. I can say I'm a proud aunt of 15 total nephews and nieces and that's thanks to my sisters and brothers, holidays are never boring :)

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  33. We have six children, and my youngest is 16. We still buy milk by the gallon in our "six-pack." I was just asked by a cashier, "Didn't anyone ever talk to you about the facts of life?" Then there were the family members that kept telling me that the world was over populated. We flashed right back with the answer, "Since there are over 3,000 abortions a day in the US, and over 100,000 in the world, us having an extra child or two, won't hurt!" I love my big family.

    You have as many children as you wish! We let ours happen when they happened. I would have loved to have had more, but sadly I couldn't. Now I am waiting for grandchildren! Oh, how my arms ache to hold another baby again.

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  34. Interesting post. I'm also an only child, but I never want to have kids. I really love being independent, and not tied down.
    With that being said I'd never judge you for your choices, and can't believe people in public do!

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  35. I can only imagine the comments, wow! Would you believe it that I was walking through a grocery store with my 2, JUST TWO, kids and I also got the "Wow you must have your hands full!" comment. Thankfully I have self control, otherwise I would have said what I really think. I just couldn't believe it. My hands are full, but SO IS MY HEART.

    I am one of 2 kids and my sister is 6 years older. I was always lonely, I felt like an only child a lot of the time. I want my kids to not just have someone to play with, but to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them. I love big families and we're not stopping at two. I love being pregnant (for the most part) and we really want to have at least 3 kids.

    The way I see it, our society really promotes loving your Self - and when you become a mom - it is a lot about putting yourself last sometimes. The babies need you, they rely on you to survive, it's not popular to be self-less these days. It's all ME ME ME, what I want. When I first had my kids I realized that even though I thought I was a pretty selfless person, I am actually very selfish. I want my sleep, I want to eat a meal in peace, I like to read a book and not be bothered. But I am so glad motherhood taught me to notice the needs of others more, and it makes for a much more satisfactory life too! Anyhow, off my soapbox. :)

    It's awesome you are blessed with this many children!

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  36. I try to use it as an opportunity to share the love I have been given. Lots of people just don't know what an amazing blessing it is. They have bought the lie. Or they feel guilty for choosing possessions over more children. Here is a tract I made that I give to people who ask one of those questions. It's called "Since you asked...."
    THE TOP TEN QUESTIONS PEOPLE ASK OUR "BIG" FAMILY

    10. Are they all yours?
    9.What kind of car do you have?
    8.How big is your house?
    7. Are any of them twins?
    6. Are you Catholic?
    5. Are you going to have more?
    4. Do you want to have more?
    3. What, No school today?
    2. Well, how do they socialize?
    1. How do you do it???
    So here ya go! Everything you wanted to know in 50 words or less. (or more…most likely more)

    10. C’mon, would you take someone else’s kids to the post office/Publix/Costco? Of course they’re all mine!
    9.Excursion-seats 8
    8. three bedrooms, 2 baths. No worries though. There is a family that has 12 kids with 5 bedrooms. So by my calculations……we have room for one more.
    7. No, but it runs in our family! (gasp) 6. Nope, but I fully admire their pro-life stance! 5. I am not currently pregnant. That’s all I’ve got. Only God knows the future.
    4. YES!! I would love 10! What?? Yup, its true. But that would be a miracle. And I don’t see it happening. But I would LOVE more. Every one of our kids has blessed us beyond measure!
    3. We home school. So we are done for the day by the time you see us at the store, or we are going to finish later.
    2. We have the opposite problem. Between ballet, field trips, church activities and our Classical Conversations home school group, we are currently trying to be *less* socialized!
    1. One word. God. When God calls you to do something, He enables you to do it! And there is complete JOY in the middle of it. How do you know what God has called you to do? Ask Him! I can guarantee that you will find no greater joy anywhere else, than where He PLANNED for you to be. Yes, God has a plan for your life. But He won’t force it on you. Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” But you have to give your life to Him first. John 1:12  says “ But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name: Jeremiah 33:3 tells us to “Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' Because with God, nothing is impossible!

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Nicole, the mama behind the Mama to 5 Blessings blog, is a mom to 5 children. Three boys: ages 8 years, 5 years, 2 years, a daughter 4 years and a new baby girl born April 19th 2013. She has been married to her husband Fritz for 11 years. Here at Mama to 5 Blessings you will find quite a variety of topics: recipes, crafts for moms and children, homeschooling, parenting, reviews and giveaways, thrifty tips and much more! Mama to 5 Blessings can also be found on Twitter @mamato3blessing, Facebook and Pinterest.