Just curious if there are other mom's out there that get rude comments for breastfeeding their baby from family members? I am a big advocate for breastfeeding, I realize at times not all mom's are able to do so and I respect that, I was one of them myself when our 1st child was born. When he was born his glucose levels were down and I was in recovery from my c-section and they shoved a bottle in his mouth and gave him formula - as a new mom I didn't know any better, I planned on breastfeeding 100%. But even after my milk came in he was still hungry so I had to supplement formula and as our 2nd, 3rd and 4th babies were born I promised myself I would not use formula but I would nurse them 100% and I have stuck to that promise. At a family birthday party over the weekend for my mom and my son, I heard my cousin's husband make a rude comment about me nursing my baby in the livingroom. My mom and I heard him from the other room. I was upset but didn't say anything to him. I wanted to do the Christian thing and turn the other check. Why is it ok for him to eat dinner but I can't feed my baby his? I know it's just ignorance really, I know some men feel uncomfortable about it and I can't help that. It made me feel bad so I resorted to nursing my baby in a seperate room until they left. Why should I have to though? It's not his home, my aunt whose house it was doesn't have a problem with it. This is not the 1st rude comment family members have made about me nursing in the livingroom. I cover myself, you can't see anything. I try to be as respectful as I can but my baby needs to eat too! Do you get rude comments and how do you handle them?
Please, I am not slamming formula, I know it's a personal choice and at times mom's are not able to do so. Please do not leave me nasty comments or send me hate e-mail. I just would like to see what other mom's do in public or at a family member's home.
As long as you're covered, I don't think its appropriate for them to say anything. Breastfeeding is one of the most natural things, and its nothing to be ashamed of or that needs to be done in private.
ReplyDeleteI never gotten those comments from family, but I do get "the look" occasionally when breastfeeding in a restaurant - even though he's under a nursing cover.
no matter how you choose to feed your baby, you will get people who disagree and will comment on it. i couldn't breastfeed my daughter and i received tons of rude comments and stares as she drank down her bottle--some were devestating such as-that i didn't care about my child, why would i feed her poision? feeding your child however you do it, is up to you. you just have to choose to tune out those who don't agree with what you are doing.
ReplyDeleteOn any given issue you will find disagreement. You should not, however, allow someone else's narrow views send you off to other rooms.
ReplyDeleteLet's face it, babies can take a long time to nurse, and they may need to do it often in the early months. It's hard enough raising small kids without being banished from social events.
I think this attitude will change as more and more people grow up seeing people nurse. My kids in their twenties don't bat an eyelash when someone does it.
I guess you should be thankful that you are not married to someone who can't deal with even modest nursing.
I am a huge breastfeeding advocate. I breastfed my older 2 for 2 years and am currently breasfeeding my 4 month old. I do use descretion, and dont whip out my whole boob. But that being said, i havent gotten any rude comments, just some rude stairs in public. go figure, third kid im over it and they can kiss my butt! L)
ReplyDeleteI have never gotten rude comments from family members regarding my choice to breastfeed (at least none that I over heard) - and I breastfed all three of my girls for well over 14 months... but I did notice that my bachelor brothers in particular were a little uncomfortable around me when I would nurse - even though I would use a nursing cover. I would not leave the room I was in and had tried to put them at ease by talking to them - its probably quite a bit different being brothers versus cousins.
ReplyDeleteMost people around me are great but when I was visiting my dad last month my sister was there and said "woah I just saw your boob." I just dont think she was expecting it. I guess I could have gave a warning or put my nursing cover on. LOL
ReplyDeletewith my last baby, she hated being covered. so at around 2-3 months old i nursed her without a cover. in public. at a wedding. at my parents. everywhere. i did wear a nursing tank top so my belly wasn't hanging out. ((honestly? i was more worried about people seeing my babyX5 belly than i was my boob! lol))
ReplyDeleteat the wedding a lady made her husband move down the table. when he asked her why she pointed at me and looked at me disgustedly. he moved. but i don't think he even realized WHAT i was doing til she pointed it out.
i think as long as your not flashing anyone. who cares? you know? be confident in yourself and your calling. and don't let anyone bug you.
i know that is much easier said than done, but it makes your life so much easier when you can do it.
it took me a long while to finally get to this point for myself. but it's so worth it!
i was surprised i never got any comments from my grandpa though. i sat in the living room where we were all sitting on thanksgiving and Christmas and no one ever said anything to me. and that was NOT covered. and with family who WOULD say something. lol. maybe a cover would make you less "noticeable"? the nursing cover i had was quite obnoxious (but i loved it) and probaly screamed look at me i'm nursing. lol.
stay strong momma!!!!
hmmmmmm, if you're covering up and being discreet then I think he's over reacting. However I've known some breastfeeding advocates who are rather blatant and in your face about it and that I think is wrong.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, you probably handled it the best way to avoid further conflict.
I don't get comments from my family. Although, I know some may have thought it but never said it. I proudly feed my son where I'm sitting (covered up) if we are out. A lot of times when we have parties here, I will choose to go in the other room only because I get that alone time with him. Once he's out of that room, he's being passed around to everyone.
ReplyDeleteOne of my best friends makes comments though. We rarely see each other anymore but we talk every day on text and facebook. She will complain about nursing women in public to me as if I don't do that myself. I do get offended because it feels like it's her way of telling me its wrong or inappropriate. But I tell her "Yeah, so! I do that".
I always use a cover when breast feeding in public, however it is getting harder since my little man is now 7 months old and keeps kicking and pulling at the cover. When I forget my cover, I just toss a receiving blanket over my shoulder. And I always wear a nursing tank.
ReplyDeleteI love it when I see a women breastfeeding in public, It makes me smile. That is the way it should be. But I think people rather have a momma breast feed her baby then hear a child crying from hunger.
I have nursed 2 babies and will nurse my third coming in March. I know comments like that can hurt but I really don't care. I am glad to give my baby the best food God ever made.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, some men are more sensitive than others. They are not comfortable with it and just like you feel it is infringing on your rights to not nurse in the living room, he may have felt his rights being infringed on.
Men are just different. I am not saying you were wrong. I 100% think that you have the right to nurse anywhere you want. but consider that men have just really dirty minds.
It is his own flaw to be sure but he probably could not think about anything else except your breasts. and if he is family I am sure that made him more than a little uncomfortable.
I guess I may be the odd one out to stand up for him but I do understand where he is coming from. I think public BFing would be more accepted if we nursing mothers at least announce first before whipping out our boobs and remain discreet.
I hope no one takes this response the wrong way. I nursed my children in public too.
When I first started having kids--wow, back in 1984 now, I was so young and too naive. I let my mother and grandmother shuttle me into public restrooms to nurse my baby because they thought it was embarrassing to them. After a few more children, I told them that I will not go into the restroom again, but I always covered up.
ReplyDeleteThen there was the other side my family who said, "We don't care if you nurse out in the open. We all did it. You don't have anything that we haven't seen before." But my younger male cousin hadn't seen it and really wanted to. I covered up and took their jabs. They finally shut up. I never liked men or boys ogling me while I was breastfeeding. I was never going to hang it all out there for anyone to see.
I ended up covering up, either in public, or at a relative's home.
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In the 90s, breastfeeding wasn't very public. I was very uncomfortable, but I did it. I went into restrooms, cars, where ever to get some privacy. That was then and it was my first baby and first marriage. If I could, I'd do it all over without hiding.
ReplyDeleteWhen my second and third babies came along, I had a very supportive family (my husband and in-laws). My mother-in-law breastfed her two children. They were British and dare I say, not prudes like normal Americans. And yes, I am American so I feel I have a right to call this country prudish when it comes to breastfeeding. In all other countries, it's no big thing. It's natural.
So all that being said, I am a huge advocate of breastfeeding. Whether in private or public. If I see a mom breastfeeding her child and if I have the opportunity, I will go out of my way to encourage them and see if they're comfortable or if there is anything I can do for them. I've given up my chair on many occasions and carried it to where I see a mom trying to hide out of the way. I've also been so brazen as to go up to a mom and ask if I can cut their food for them. Obviously this is if I see them having difficulty and no one near them is trying to help out. I know the look. The little flashes of desperation that their food is getting cold while they tend to the baby while everyone else at the table is happily conversing with everyone else BUT the mom and enjoying their own dinners while they're hot.
If this occasion was at your Aunt's home and she had no problem with it (actually, it really doesn't matter if she did or not but it helps if she supports you), then you should not have been made to feel uncomfortable feeding your baby naturally, regardless of the other guests. I know this only comes with experience and a great deal of apathy, but I'd probably have piped up for your cousin's husband to shut up, mind his own business, and if he didn't like it, to not be in the room where you are feeding your child. You're the mom... feeding the baby... YOU have priority. Not some idiot who thinks he's has a right to express his narrow-minded opinion on subjects that he obviously isn't qualified on which to comment.
I think discretion is the key. As long as your covered up I don't see the big deal! There is nothing dirty or inappropriate about feeding your baby however I think discretion with breastfeeding (in particular with men around) is just as important as discretion in dressing. I've breast fed exclusively all three of my girls and if I couldn't use a cover, I always went to a more private area not just for discretion purposes but also because I felt more comfortable with people not staring at me.
ReplyDelete<3