I typically do not vent on my blog but now I am going to. Why do people choose to stick their noses in other people's business? Is it anyone's business that my husband and I have 4 children? NO! I am sick of the RUDE comments. For instance I went to CVS yesterday and as I was getting my 4 children out of the minivan some woman in the parking lot said to me, wow - your busy! Maybe you should get a t.v. in your bedroom - I was stunned that she said that to me. Is it her business? She is a total stranger, even if she may have been joking? It really urked me! Why would it be her business what my husband & I do in our bedroom? There are just certain comments that people should keep to themselves! And then I have other people asking me if my husband or I are going to get "fixed" so we do not have anymore children. HELLO! Don't act like my children are accidents, sure our last blessing was unexpected but THRILLED to have him in our lives. My husband is a hard worker, he is a great husband and father. He provides for our family. Fortunately we haven't asked or needed anyone for anything. So why is it that people act like I owe them something with having 4 children? I say leave me alone! What's that saying our moms told us as children, if you do not have something nice to say don't say it at all! Then I am reminded of the blessings God has bestowed on my beautiful family and than I praise God with a thankful heart. I know God's Word says not to care what people say or think but only care about what God thinks. But the comments still hurt!
I love that last photo--what a cutie! I get those same comments, and I have only 3. I would have more if I could. Ages ago, it was considered a blessing to have loads of children. Now it's considered a burden to have more than 1. People have no understanding, and as a result they blurt out stupid questions and comments about what they don't understand. People have a lot of misconceptions about large families, just like they do about homeschooling. They have no idea of the truth. Sad, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteDarlin' I have 2 kiddos and one on the way and I get those comments too. The best thing to do is smile at them. Don't let strangers bother you! They aren't worth your energy.
ReplyDeleteNot to mention 4 kids is not a lot! There are people out there having WAY more kids than that! I have known families with up to 10 kids. I think that if they are caring for their kids properly then let them have as many as they want!
I am stopping at 3 because I know I personally can't handle more than that. Nothing against anyone who has more.
*HUGS*
People are really so dense sometimes! :( I'm sorry about their rude comments. Unfortunately not everyone knows how to keep their opinions to themselves. I do not think you're crazy for having 4 kids! We only have 2 right now but would like more. There is nothing wrong with having a few children and raising them proper! Keep your chin up- you have the blessing of beautiful little ones running around! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you had to deal with those comments! My friend who has 5 kids now says this to people... "we found something we are good at" and it usually shuts people right up! ; )
ReplyDeletePeople make a lot of things there business that they have no right to... after the birth of our first 14 years ago, all of the sudden my breasts became everyone else's business and I heard every sort of rude comment when I stopped breast feeding and went to the bottle for him.
Sometimes people are just plain rude! So sorry for you!
The comments will stop when the baby gets a little older. I got the most comments while pregnant with #4 and then they tapered off and stopped completely by the time he was 2. Haven't heard anything in a good 6 years. (Of course at that same time I moved from California to Oklahoma,I suppose the regional differences could have something to do with it).
ReplyDeleteI agree. If I wouldn't want someone to say something to me, I wouldn't dream of saying to someone else!
ReplyDeleteAnd the people who think witty commentary on a couple's reproductive cycle are the worst! Anything relating to parenting choices (how you name, feed, diaper, cloth, discipline your child(ren) etc etc) is NEVER a topic that's up for discussion!
People are jerks in general sometimes. It's no one business on how many kids you do or don't have.
ReplyDeleteI get comments on why I should have more, and how horrible it is that I only have one. I also had an older woman say "You're too young to have a baby." I don't look my age but that is not the best thing to start a conversation with.
Anyway I agree with Mrs. Smitty, comments on parenting in general just needs to be left alone, especially if they are strangers (though family's negativeness can be left behind too).
Oh, I'm sorry they said those things.
ReplyDeletePersonally I would LOVE to have 4 or more kids. I am the baby of 5 and love coming from a big family. We only have two kids, but I think my husband is happy with two - financially I think it's better if we stop at two, though I'd give anything to keep going!!!
It's a blessing you're able to have a big family - just tell people that whenever they made comments to you! Tell them how thankful you are God blessed you with 4 little miracles!!!! Maybe they'll stop and think about what they are saying.
For what it's worth, I think you are so lucky to have four healthy children! And your children are so lucky to have siblings close in age. I'm surprised you are getting negative comments. People are ridiculous sometimes!
ReplyDeleteIt never ceases to amaze me what people feel they are entitled to say to complete strangers! My son is 15 months old and I'm due with our second any day, and I get the rudest comments when I go out.
ReplyDeletePeople have told me how they "hope we'll put the brakes on for a while" or how I'll "have my hands so full that I'll smack my husband if he even looks at my sideways". Gee, thanks random stranger. Yes, as a matter of fact, it IS totally appropriate for you to comment on what goes on between me and my husband.
I am currently pregnant with number 3. My own FIL asked if we knew what was causing that yet. Har har har. I get comments like you're done after that right? (Well right now I tend to think so but I am in the thick of pregnancy which I will admit I don't love so much). One sweet lady at church with 5 daughters said to me "Right on, Big families are awesome." Bless her. And a sweet older frind of mine said "good choice having more kids, You will never regret having children." bless her as well. So I guess then not everyone out there is a moron :)
ReplyDeleteAS a mom of 6, I completely understand! The getting "fixed" comment always makes me angry and I usually come back with, "No, because I'm not broken!"
ReplyDeleteRecently I had another mom say to me, "Wow, a few more and you can have a T.V. show!" As if that's my ultimate goal in life. lol.
Now that Stella is 8 months old, I constantly get asked if I'm ready for another. My answer, "Absolutely! But really, it is none of their business!
I am so sorry that some people are just flat at out rude and have no idea how much of a joy children are. I have three little ones myself and haha...We just found out three weeks ago that we are expecting #4. We had planned for all the other ones but #4 has been a complete surprise to us but you know what, I am excited no matter what. I get so many comments right now with going out with three kids in tow, I am petrified to find out what some people will say when they start seeing that I have a fourth one on the way. I absolutely HATE the comments "Gee, you're hands are full" and "you've been busy". I love being a SAHM mom to my kids and it's not like my children are running wild wherever we go, I just think some people have to be rude in life and I hate that my children have to listen to those comments as if we as family did something wrong for choosing to have a larger family than the norm. Hugs XOXO (By the way I am only 7 weeks pregnant so I'm already thinking of some smart comments to reply back to those people..hahaha)
ReplyDeleteI have been there to. It is hurtful and annoying and if they are joking they should key in on the fact that we are not laughing and stop or apologize. I have been asked if I have heard of birth control. People think that women with children or pregnant women are open game for all their silly comments.
ReplyDeleteWhen you get those rude or intrusive comments, just be snarky back!! Like the comment you got about needing a TV in your bedroom...just say something like "yeah, a TV would be nice, but we have MORE fun without one...wink wink"!! If your kids aren't within earshot and the questions get too personal, just ask them a highly personal question back (like "so what brand of tampons do you use"). Unless they are dense, they will get the point!!
ReplyDeleteOh gosh, I agree! When I found out my second was a boy, you would not believe how many people told me "Great, you have a boy and a girl, now you can be done" Really?! Because they get to make my decisions for me! Even a nurse had told me that. I was shocked, and I had no idea how to respond at the time. I was the 5th of 6 kids and people really got on my mom about having more, and a friend of hers made me a beautiful little blanket using my last name in a cute little poem. So, there are sweet people in the world who could care less if you have one child or 50. I just wish their voices were louder then those annoying people who criticize.
ReplyDeleteWe have 3 children that God gave us pretty close together....my 1st 2 are 17 mos. apart & my 2nd & 3rd are 21 mos. apart. I thought that if ONE MORE PERSON asked me "You do know how that happens, don't you?", I was going to lose it!!
ReplyDeleteThey are now 12, 11, and 9 and I still get a comment here or there, but not as much as when they were smaller.
To the lady who made the t.v. comment, I would have been tempted to suggest she needed a muzzle for her mouth....but I would never have actually said it. ;)
Rejoice in and enjoy the blessings God has given you.....because they are TRUE blessings!
"Oh that's a thought... which one of my precious children should I have eliminated?"
ReplyDeleteOh... sorry! Just venting for you!
:) Beautiful Day!
Janet
www.homeward4.blogspot.com
www.homeschoolercafe.blogspot.com
I'm with you 100%. DH & I have 3 kids in 5 years & couldn't imagine our lives any other way. Unfortunately the majority of the response we get when we're out is either 'are the ALL yours?' or 'hope you've finally found out how that (meaning my kids) happens!' It's rude, insulting, & so none of their business. =/
ReplyDeleteI agree with Debbie's comments! A long time ago almost everyone had lots of children and it seems like the feeling now is that anyone who has more than two is weird, strange or crazy. I was a very young mother, have two of my own children and a step-child and have gotten comments/looks before - it amazes me how rude people are. I tell people "We're very blessed!" and leave it at that. You're absolutely right, it's none of their business!
ReplyDeleteIt's so sad that the majority of our society sees children as a burden and not a blessing. I thought I only wanted 2 or 3 kids until I read, "Be Fruitful and Multiply: What the Bible Says about having Children". Because of 'birth control' the views of "having a family" are totally distorted and not seen as a Blessing as they are called in the Bible. Add the fact that people are way too vocal and don't know how to control their thoughts and comments and anyone that has kids will get mean comments. If it's not someone asking when you are going to have another when you only have 1 you will have someone asking when you are going to stop when you already have 3 or 4! Frustrating, but that's just our society.
ReplyDeleteI had a run in at a garage sale a few months ago that just left me furious. A guy was going on and on about how he never got to do 'this and that' and how life was because he had kids. I did argue for a bit, but then I just ignored him because he just loved having a negative attitude about children in general. To those people I would love to say, "I'm glad that God sent me more Blessings than you because you wouldn't appreciate them."
Sorry I haven't been by in forever. I missed your announcement of the little one how totally adorable. As for this post just makes me SOOO mad!!
ReplyDeleteI have three children and if I was able to stay at home and live comfortably I would have LOVED to have another. My children are my life and if you want 1-4-or 20 that is your choice.
If your children are cared for and loved that is what matters. I have no idea why other people care so much what others do!
Hugs and Late Congrats!
I'm right there with you! When you have 1-3 kids no one says anything, then comes #4 and all of a sudden the flood gates open and everyone has an opinion! I did a similar post about this time last year when I was pregnant (and exhausted). You can see it here: http://inthemomzone.blogspot.com/2010/03/open-letter.html
ReplyDeleteOn the flip side, I get irritated when I'm out with only the baby and people talk to me like it's my first baby. You're right... if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. :)
Ahhhh... yes. I have four, also. And it seems that some of the worst comments come from family members. Oh, did I mention I am pregnant (35 weeks) with number five? In general, people are just not supportive of having more than two kids. And some of them are just trying to make "small talk" and don't have a clue what is appropriate to say. I agree... if you don't have anything nice to say it is best not to say anything at all... the problem is that people do not seem to know the difference between what is nice to say and what is not.
ReplyDeleteSorry people are so crazy! Some people have a hard time with one kid, or with two and are jealous of people who have it all together with 3,4,5 or more kids!
ReplyDeleteHave a great rest of your day! :)
Oh, please! ((((Nicole))) I know several women with way more than 4. One has 12, another has 10, another is expecting #9, another had 8, and so on. All of them would gladly accept more blessings from God, if He chose to give them.
ReplyDeleteMy Mom has 9 siblings. My father-in-law has 12 siblings. A dear friend of ours from church has 13 siblings.
None of the above are Catholic or Mormon either (which is one question people almost always ask). But, anyway, none of that matters! If you stop at 4 - or have 40 - I'll still love seeing pictures and hearing stories about every single one! :)
Kind of funny. I hope it makes you laugh. Our dear friend (the one with 13 siblings) just turned 89. His youngest sibling is 70. One day we were talking and he mention his youngest brother's son is TWENTY-NINE. It just sounded funny, so DH said "Are you sure you meant his son and not his grandson?" Our friend replied, "Well, I know he's my brother and I know that's his SON." We all laughed!
I have a 3 1/2 year old a 16 month old and another one on the way. We have always planned on at least 4 children. I can't believe someone said that to you. I have not experienced any rude comments yet, but I was surprised when I told my neighbor the other day that I was expecting and she asked if it was planned. She is so nice and loves the kids so I was surprised that she asked such a personal question.
ReplyDeleteFaith at homeecathome.com
Next time here's a come-back. Yes, we've tried that. It entertains these kids greatly whilst we have sex all over the rest off the house and yard!
ReplyDeleteNicole,
ReplyDeleteI only have one, but we're expecting number 2, and already people are making comments and asking us when we'll be "done".
I'm one of six kids, and each of my parents had 7 siblings. I LOVE coming from a large family, and my husband and I are going to take all the blessings we are given, even if it's more than "normal".
People have no right to tell you when to stop. As for those mean comments, if people say them to me, I'm really looking forward to having creative comebacks...
Congratulations on ALL your blessings. What a joy it must be to have a house filled with children!
Comments like that typically come from people who don't have children or only had one or two and can't imagine how anyone could handle more than that. The comment I get most of the time is the sympathetic "Five boys...bless your heart!" To which I respond (with a smile), "Yes, they do!"
ReplyDeleteAnd if they think that four kids means you're having too much sex, then they must not have any (kids or sex)!
People can be very rude and stick their nose where it doesn't belong. Children are a blessing from God and maybe people need to be reminded of that. You have 4 beautiful blessings.
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie, I totally understand your frustration. We have 5 beautiful little girls, and people ask us ALL the time if we're done. When I was pregnant with my fifth daughter I had someone actually tell me I needed to "keep my legs closed"! I couldn't even react I was soooo shocked. People seem to not have a sensor anymore, but I have learned to respond with kindness, and enthusiaism to their comments. Instead of a simple yes, they're all mine, they get a a yes, we have been so very blessed to have all of these beautiful girls, and we hope that He may see fit to continue blessing us in life. That usually shuts them up. ;)
ReplyDeleteThat's disgusting. Wish you could live here where it's not unusual to have 4-6 children :( You should be able to be out in public with your children w/o anyone giving you a hard time. It IS none of their business and I would've told that lady so. Did you say anything to her? I'll be proud if to hear that you held your tongue!!! xoxo
ReplyDeleteWow! I can't believe someone said that to you!
ReplyDeleteI'm a year late on commenting lol but I saw this post and just had to voice my opinion. It seems that I constantly read comments on various websites about how people have too many kids and shouldn't have so many and they aren't that nice about it either. Now I don't have any kids yet but it really bothers me that so many people are so rude about the miracle of life. Some people just don't get it and by it I mean how precious everyone's life is. They just see, "too many kids". There's no such thing. Each life is important and matters and it's sad that there are so many that don't "get it". So sorry you had to hear such a ridiculous comment. I thought four kids was normal, like the perfect all american family, so why someone would look at your family and see something "odd" is very strange. I wish I could have a huge family one day, it's a blessing.
ReplyDelete